Brothers and sisters, finger pointing only adds fuel to the fire of marriage dysfunction! But who am I to stop people in their madness? See what the following diagram on how God had designed every marriage to work:
Figure 1: This is how God had designed marriage to work. Nothing more and nothing less. All human beings are misled by their sinful desires to have things that were not intended for them by God. That was why Eve walked away from God and fell into sin. She turned her back on God's exclusive command to her: "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NIV)
And when Eve walked away from God's command in the misconception of her own mind, the only other human being in the world with her, her husband Adam, pointed accusing fingers at her: “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12 NIV).
And God promptly turned to the woman and asked: “What is this you have done?” (Genesis 3:13 NIV)
The following diagram illustrates what happens when a woman disregards God's clear commands to her about her marriage and follows her own rules.
Figure 2: The woman is marriage, and marriage is the woman (Genesis 2:18)!
A woman in marriage is "the mystery of God that for ages past, was kept hidden in God, which is now being revealed through the church, to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to God's eternal purpose that God accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Ephesians 3:9-11 NIV).
The woman is the glue that binds her marriage and her household. When she fails to hold her marriage together, her marriage falls apart. God's command to every woman that is estranged from her husband is the same command God commanded Hager when she ran away after disobeying Sarah: "Go back to your" husband "and submit to her.” (Genesis 16:9 NIV)
The Bible says to everyone who is under authority:
"Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, 14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. 16 Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. 17 Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.
18 Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:13-21 NIV)
God created marriage just as He had created man and woman (Genesis 2:18-25).
According to God’s own narrative of creation in Genesis 2, God's purpose for creating the woman was so He could accomplish His goal of creating marriage (Genesis 2:18 NIV--The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”)
God never miscommunicates any truths. Every man must go to the Bible and convince himself that he understands what role and responsibilities God had assigned to him as a husband and the head of the human family.
And every woman must go to the Bible and convince herself that she understands what role and responsibilities God had assigned to her as a wife—a helper suitable for her husband, who must obey her husband in all things, the same way the church should submit to Christ in all things (Ephesians 5:22,24).
The church is all of us in our respective religious convictions which shape our actions, our politics and our treatment of other human beings.
God’s math is simple! It is human beings (in their unstoppable scheming) that deliberately complicate life and marriage, and convolute the word of God, to avoid disciplining themselves.
Unfortunately for every one of us, we are still liable for our respective disobedience of God and will answer to God for all our wicked choices.